End The Approval Game

Approval game? Living by bending, running and crawling under other people’s approval and their opinions sure look like a darn game to me. A game that does not stop! It’s 2019, and we are reaching higher levels of success daily. Each day we pray to have a great day, to let things fall into place and let the day run smoothly without having to face unwanted drama which could probably ruin the entire 24 hours for you! We want to avoid unnecessary things. Yet, we let our mind sink right into doubt, guilt, and fear. Like hearing from an office colleague “Good morning, man. How are you doing? Didn’t you wear the same shirt yesterday?” Immediately your smile goes away and you become conscious about your shirt which you were so comfortable putting on earlier that morning. You start to rethink what you should have worn something else.

Also, my own example: I love to sleep, I really do love to sleep as it helps my tired mind and body to feel relaxed and once I wake up I'm happy to continue my work with a good mood. So, after getting my daughter ready for school and dropping her to her school van I come back in, get into bed and go to sleep for half an hour until my maid arrives.

Once my maid comes I again instruct her what needs to be done and crawl my sleepy head back to bed for another half an hour as I stay up late at night studying. I really need to rest myself a bit more during the morning hours. The maid attends to all the given tasks to the best of her abilities, and she does very well. She mentioned something one day like waking up early morning is good for health rather than sleeping till 8 a.m. or 9 a.m. and this was an indirect message that came from her which hit me. Right at that moment, I gave her a befitting answer in a very polite manner. I said, “Yes, it is a good thing to wake up early morning if you have got 8 hours of proper sleep.”

I didn’t explain more as I’m a person who doesn’t actually let anything that upset me get inside to me which could later form into anxiety building symptoms. I don’t want to make myself sick with judgemental illnesses. I didn’t change myself for a bunch of words because only I know what my family’s lifestyle is and it sure does make me and my family happy. If I am not hurting anyone and if I’m not disturbing, disrespecting or degrading anyone then I am most definitely doing something right.

Words are just words until we give them life. Make sure you give life to the correct set of words and erase the rest. I most certainly do not require anyone’s approval to live a happy life. Every one of us is leading different lifestyles, so it is absurd for someone to just tell you to do something you are not comfortable with even listening to! Don’t ever feel guilty or upset for not heeding to other opinions because only you know what your strengths and weaknesses are. Let your self-awareness provoke you to transform your weak spots into strong ones, be aware of yourself and make sure you do the change and do not let anyone else make you do it. Doing anything for the sake of doing will never bring in genuine happiness.

Don’t dwell your unique self into thoughts as what will they say? Will he like what I’m doing? Will they laugh at me? Will they insult me or body shame me for being a big girl? When will they stop being so racist towards my dark skin? Dust these words off your head! You are beautiful, smart, creative, awesome and many more. Just accept it, accept yourself and be happy in your own skin and in your own ways of living.

One of my very close friends became a victim of this approval game. She had no choice. She had no way to run, so she had to accept what she was told to do. She was given in marriage at the age of 16 to one of her cousins. He was a mature man at the time. He was 27 years of age, and he was eager to marry her. Since she was a girl, a child who was raised by a single parent her grandmother forced her opinion on my friend’s mother and being a divorcee she felt she would not be able to handle her daughter’s expenses and decided unwillingly to get her married. There was no one who asked my friend what was her decision. Instead, they covered her up with a bride’s attire which hushed her wishes. Her wishes of studying further were hushed, her wishes of working were hushed.

I got in touch with her recently through social media. After a few days she broke down during a phone call and openly told me everything she faced and still is facing by nodding her head to other opinions and whenever she took strength to reveal her innocent intentions she was judged, mocked and insulted for trying to be herself. I as a friend can only advise and show her the way, but she needs to take a step for her own self, she needs to open her eyes and say the game is over.

However, last night I spoke again to her, and she was kind of calm and peaceful at that moment. I said I’m glad to hear her not letting negative words into her heart, and she said she decided to end it and restart to win all the lost dreams. I felt a roar in her calmness, a roar of good change coming her way and I only wish she succeeds and once she does, I will write how well she did it.

The blame games and approval games need to be stopped. At the first moment you are being questioned for your likes and for your dreams by someone, stand up for yourself as no one will come to help you to your path of success, you have to take the lead to start and play a good game.

Living your life to please others and as per others wishes will lead you to unhappiness at every point in your life. You will feel as if you are lost forever. So, be aware, be confident and be kind to yourself. These are the main things you need to offer to heal your soul before you offer your body attractive attires and other comforts.